Tag Archives: asses

Bring It Home, Mets.

Lolabrigada.com is going to the Mets game tonight.

Bring it home.

.el sway

Today Is My Day.

It is my day. Today, April 23rd, 2008, is “Administrative Professionals (Secretary’s) Day.” Straight up “Secretary’s” Day will do. Thank you!

So, here at my our blog we would like to tip our hats to all those who spend the day G-Chatting and Blogging while pretending to get Dr. SoAndSo on the phone.

Here’s to you, ladies (and me)!

The spanking gets easier. Trust me.

Holiday Insights suggests:

The most common ways of recognizing your Administrative Professional(s) today are:

  • Flowers
  • Cards, often with shopping gift certificates
  • Take them to lunch
  • Candies
  • Assorted Gift Baskets

So, be nice to that piece of ass that makes your life that much easier.  Because, eventually, she/he will be your lover and the reason your wife leaves you.

.el sway

What Could Have Been…

If one goes to sirmixalot.com, it will not take you to the “official” website of the renowned rapper (who, of course, will always be best known for his 1991 masterpiece “Baby Got Back”). No, sir. Sirmixalot.com is “the unofficial fan site”. Sadly, however, the owner of this prime piece of internet real estate has not capitalized on it.

Not at all.

The site’s webmaster managed to post nine times in the “Latest News” section of the site before giving up. The first was on March 20, 2004. The last came on September 30 of the same year. This is bad enough, but it gets worse. Eight of the nine posts are related to technical bullshit regarding the website, most of them regarding the webmaster’s quixotic dream of offering sirmixalot.com email addresses.

In fact, only one post had anything at all to do with Sir Mix-A-Lot:

6/24/04: If you’ve ever seen the movie Shrek and seen the characters sing a final song before the credits, be sure to watch a bit longer. The characters from the movie Shrek sing portions of various songs. One of them, Donkey, sings part of Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”. Check it out, you’ll love it!

Well, I did check it out, and guess what? I didn’t love it at all. My memory of one of the world’s greatest rap songs is now tainted with the image of a flatulent donkey.

To the anonymous jerk behind sirmixalot.com: You have failed me, and you have failed all who are like me. Those “in the know” are aware of the fact that Sir-Mix-A-Lot is fucking awesome. He’s a lot more than just the ass-obsessed fat dude with glasses who is still lingering around on the fringes of the popular imagination. For proof of Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s greatness, read this interview he conducted with the Onion A/V club in 2003.

Rush, Rush

For Christmas 2006, my in-laws generously gave me a TEAC GF-350 Multi Music Player/CD Recorder. In layman’s terms, that just means that this fine device is able to copy vinyl lps onto cd. I am glad to have it, and use it regularly.

But there has been one problem. My mother-in-law has asked me to burn her record collection onto cd for her. Seeing as how she was instrumental in getting me my TEAC GF-350 Multi Music Player/CD Recorder, I could hardly say no. So now here I am, in my “study”, “enjoying” Cat Stevens’ 1970 LP Teaser and the Firecat.

Anyway, this record is emblematic of my mother-in-laws’ musical taste, as she was quite the aficionado of 1970s singer-songwriter soft rock. Throughout the past several months, I have been forced to listed to the likes of Jackson Browne, The Eagles, Livingston Taylor and Jonathan Edwards. But the worst so far has been this dude Tom Rush, who put out the absolutely terrible Ladies Love Outlaws in 1974. This dude is full of shit, as throughout the record he cops a completely unconvincing pose as some sort of wandering desperado. The worst track is “Hobo’s Mandolin”, in which Rush solemny accepts some dying drifter’s mandolin. I was hoping the mandolin would then come to life and kill hobo enemies, but instead it just serves as a way for Rush to once again romanticize an aspect of American culture he obviously knows nothing about. If Rush had been truly honest with himself, he’d have written a song about his A&R guy’s cocaine mirror instead.

Fuck you, Tom Rush. Your only good album was 2112.