Category Archives: Uncategorized


Jellybean fish and doodley-doo.


Tuesdays with Jake on Wednesday.

Ladies and mostly Ladies,

Welcome back Jake after a brief hiatus. He loves you too.

Sorry I’ve been gone for a week. I’ve been busy.


Wednesday July 16th:

“Do ya’ll want to see some titties?” A man yelled into a microphone.

“Oh no,” I thought. I was in a strip club.

“Yes, you are.” Said a man in a cowboy hat next to me. “I’m sure you’re wondering how I can hear your thoughts. It’s simple: I’m your dad.”

“No you’re not.” I replied aloud, thumping bass in the background, bronzed breasts bouncing about on a linoleum dance floor.

“I know,” he said. “I should just go.”

And there he went. Slowly, looking back over his shoulder every three steps or so.

“The funny thing is, that guy WAS my Dad.” I said to a stripper who was windexing my face with her chest. “Ha, ha, that tickles.”

It tickles a lot.

Satruday July 19th

“Do ya’ll want to see some titties?” A man yelled over a microphone.

“Oh no,” I thought “I’m in a strip club again.”

“Too bad! This is prison.” He laughed and laughed and laughed.


Sunday July 20th

I slipped into my apartment quietly and the woman I hired to act like my wife was standing there, holding a wooden spoon and an iron.

“Where have you been?” She boomed.

“Prison, ok?”

“Ok,” she replied. “Can I tomorrow off?”

“Yeah, I don’t care.”

And I didn’t care.

I heard she’s dead now or injured.


Monday, July 21st

“Is that a bulldozer in my bedroom?!” I yelled in my bed. I also had one of those pointy wizard-sleep caps on.

“Yep!” Cackled the Bulldozer man “April fool’s?”

“Do I know you from somewhere?” I asked.

“Boys, tell ‘em!” He shouted. A bunch of men in capes appeared. One stepped forward. He handed me a shirt.

“Did you leave this at the library yesterday?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I replied. “Was the bulldozer necessary?”

“Yes.” They all left.

And then a bird flew up my ass.

Sorry guys.


So, I really don’t have anything to post today because I am busy.

But, I wanted to pass this along.  I think you’ll love me after you see this.


Wake up!  NOOO, you CAN’T!!

That’s life right there people.  That puppy is lucky, though.  You know what we do to people over here at when others fall asleep….

Cool Buddy!

We don you with medals and classic facial hair.  Do not fall asleep on us!


.el sway


So, I did it.  I’ve been hearing about this muxtape thing and, well, I made one.

Check it out!

The results are in…




He even likes it!

I made this tape, actually, because I wanted to listen to these songs at work and I don’t have Itunes here.  But, if it makes you like me even more….

.el sway

Just A Heads Up.


In case you weren’t aware, August 5th, 2008, is the 5th annual National Underwear Day!

What is National Underwear Day?  Well, basically pretty people walk around Times Square in their underwear showing us all how much better looking they are then the rest of us.

Last year our underwear ambassadors marched through Times Square, the most heavily-trafficked locale in New York City, modeling some of today’s hottest brands for unsuspecting — yet pleasantly surprised — shoppers, tourists and die-hard New Yorkers who thought they had ‘seen it all.’

Perfect.  Just when we thought we’ve “seen it all!”  People in there underwear walking around in Times Square????!!!!

Yeah and…


Lady, I’ve seen it all.  This surely would not mark the first time I’ve seen someone walk around Times Square in their underwear.

I was actually with some dude in the Toys ‘R Us in Times Square and he flashed a huge dinosaur and then claimed that said dinosaur bit his dick off.  True story.  Maybe he’ll blog about it someday.

The best part of the article is that apparently there is that they have a ‘credo’ for the event:

underwear should no longer be merely the first thing you put on and the last thing you take off, but the most important thing you wear all day.

Yes, tell that to this teen girl…

And these kids…

And this guy…

And him…

While I’m just as excited about National Underwear Day as the next guy, I think I’m going to spend that day in my underwear walking around Times Square.  Why?  Well, here’s the long and short of it.

Each year more and more people have looked forward to National Underwear Day – it’s grown both in popularity and size.

Erect penises.

I’m just sayin’.

.el sway

So This Weekend That You Might See. (2 Part Series)

Tonight is the Gutz record release party!  Get outta town!  No!  Stay!  Really, there is nothing else you’d rather be doing.  This is huge!  Adult music for adult people.


Saturday night at 8PM  — PHENOMOMOM Presents!

This Saturday, June 21st at 8pm!
332 East 11th Street between 1st and 2nd

The Stuff (Sketch comedy!!?!)
Dan Luddy (Stand-up!!?!!)
Fat Penguin (Improv!!!?!!)

Why, that’s all three types of comedy!  All hosted by Phenomomom (Steven
and Big T. Lorenzo)

Get at me dawg!

.el sway

Friday. Freak.

1994 in full-effect.

Big Ups to Lil’ Russ. It’s sad to see someone pass so young.

Do they have youtube in heaven? If there’s a god…

.el sway