Category Archives: Random Observations

She’s Just Like ME.

Again, it’s the political season and we are in for a nice little fight.  We hear a lot of buzzwords in this election and certain phrases that really kill me.  Obama is an ‘elitist,’ or so they say.  And that woman from Alaska, Sarah Palin is just like us.  She shops at WalMart, hunts, etc.  Like us.  

Wait, is that me?

Anyways, these dudes with nice wallets and condom yellow teeth are jazzed because they want to elect Palin into the Office because, dang it, she’s just like me!  (I heard that dude Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris talk about.  Norris is Conservative, fyi)

“The next kick won’t be so conservative!”  

Really?  That’s your basis for wanting someone elected?  

You don’t want someone like me as the President of the United States.  Seriously.

As far as I know, the “Bush Doctrine” is:  if there’s grass on the field…..

Maybe that would help my sweating problem if my pubes and body hair were on the outside of my clothes. Hmm?

I’t just plain silly.  

No one wants  a Vice/President who is just like them. Seriously.  

I want someone who is smarter than me.  There is a reason I will never get an electoral vote in my life.  I’m not capable, Ms. Palin, and neither are you.

Apparently neither of us know how to use a condom.  



The Bitch Is Back.

Greetings from San Diego, CA.  While you’ve all been deciding whether or not you want to bang Sarah Palin — one of us (JC) most likely got her daughter pregnant! — we have been moving across this great big country.  

We’ve meet a lot of very nice people along the way…












And some not so friendly people….

We’ve made it from sea to shinning sea!  And guess what you smug bastards??

This Blog is back!  Let freedom reign you mother fuckers!

Sorry, for the swear word…

Really?  A MILF?

Maybe a PILF!  Person I’d Like (to) Forget!  

Oh shit!  I’m politicin’!  I’m kidding.  I don’t vote, so let’s be friends.  

You know what else I’d like to PILF?


Let’s get some atoms up in dis bitch!  

The blog is back, Sepultura is back, and so are you.  Let FREEDOM REIGN!!!

I know who he’s voting for!

.el sway

New Words Up In This Bitch.

We at would like to extend a warm welcome to some of the new words that made the final cut in Merriam-Webster’s new Dictionary for 2008.

We are most excited about one term in particularly: FANBOY!

6. fanboy n (1919) : a boy who is an enthusiastic devotee (as of comics or movies)

Yeah we got a lot of fanboys around here.

Another interesting term added this year was: air quotes.

1. air quotes n pl (1989) : a gesture made by raising and flexing the index and middle fingers of both hands that is used to call attention to a spoken word or expression

This is in the dictionary?

Looks fun!

Some other favorites are…

7. infinity pool n (1992) : an outdoor swimming pool having an edge over which water flows into a trough but seems to flow into the horizon


20. soju n ( 1978 ) : Korean vodka distilled from rice

Crank Dat – BOY!

The surprise of the list had to be ‘mental health day.’

11. mental health day n (1971) : a day that an employee takes off from work in order to relieve stress or renew vitality

No longer do we have to lie about why we aren’t coming into work. Since it’s in the dictionary now, we all have an excuse for skipping work because we just can’t take the stress of data entry. Thanks Webster!

4. dwarf planet n (1993) : a celestial body that orbits the sun and has a spherical shape but is too small to disturb other objects from its orbit


.el sway

Your Tyson Gay Update.

Hey I love this stuff! Every once in a while someone with a “funny” last name comes along and makes life a little more interesting. Meet America’s fastest man – Tyson Gay.

Well, this weekend Gay came up limp (pht!!) and strained his hamstring in the Olympic qualifiers. Sad.

This is terrible news for all Track and Field fans (?) and glorious news for all male college students out there. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you your Tyson Gay headline update!

“Gay MRI reveals mild strain…..” ESPN

“Gay’s family as focused as their fastest man”…

“Gay out for fortnight”….Yahoo!

“Leg cramp spoils Gay’s bid”…

“Gay predicts complete recovery”…

“Injury to Gay exposes fear.” St. Louis Post-Dispatch

“Gay to Olympic Committee: ‘Oh No You Didn’t!!!'”….NY Times

Hey, that was fun. And sure, maybe I made that last one up, but I did just get a handful of people interested in the Olympics. Cause I’m proud to be an American!

Happy Olympicing!

.el sway

Are You For Reeeaaal?

Check it out!

LONDON, England (CNN) — Britain’s Prince Charles has converted his 38-year-old Aston Martin to run on biofuel made from surplus wine, his office revealed Tuesday.

Prince Charles has gone Blanc!

Can he do that?

The car was a 21st birthday present from Queen Elizabeth, and the prince has converted it to run on 100 percent bioethanol as a way to reduce his carbon emissions, his office, Clarence House, said.

Man that is for real.

If I had a car I would not want it to run on wine.  I’ve seen those commercials where cars run on alcoholic beverages and it does not look pretty.

These teens know what I’m talking about!


Charles, 59, has a strong interest in environmental issues and rural affairs. He is active in environmental charities, and his food company, Duchy Originals, uses ingredients produced at his organic farm in Cornwall, southwestern England.

Wait, Duchy Originals?

Got it.

Well, I am sure I can add a joke in here about not taking advice on driving or fueling my car from teh Royal Family, but instead I will just get fueling advice from this Prince.

That bitch is fueled by Purple Rain… and STDs.

.el sway

Gas Sucks.

Yeah, gas prices such.  Right?  Check this out – now gas really sucks!

RENO, Nevada (AP) — Rising fuel prices are putting a pinch on the world’s oldest profession.

Nevada brothels that cater to long-haul truckers are offering gas cards and other promotions after seeing business decline as much as 25 percent from a year ago, industry officials said.

How nice.

The President of the Nevada Brothel’s Owners Association said that business is down 19% at his two “Donna” themed Brothels in Reno.

The reason for the gas cards?

Nevada Brothel Owners’ Association, said truckers account for up to 75 percent of business

The other 25% is made up of these guys.

Here;s an example of what is being offered:

In response to a 5 percent drop in business, the Shady Lady Ranch along U.S. 95 about 150 miles north of Las Vegas plans to offer $50 gas cards to clients who spend $300 and $100 gas cards to those who spend $500.

Truck drivers are stoked!

And how does this effect the Government and those stimulus checks we all received?

Under a promotion under way at the Moonlite BunnyRanch near Carson City, the first 100 customers who arrive with government stimulus checks receive twice the services for the same regular price.

That’s exactly what those checks are for.  To stimulate the body AND the economy.

So if we’ve learned one thing today, it’s that the government doesn’t care much for truck drivers who pay for sex…  Truck divers who pay for sex are as American than apple pie…  Apple pie is the most American thing… The Government hates America… Ya follow?

.el sway

We’ve Been Had.

A few weeks ago we linked to this HUGE news story about a lost tribe in the Amazon.   Well, guess what?  It was all a hoax!  Awesome!

I feel like my journalistic cutting and pasting integrity has taken a bit of a hit.  I apologize for not fact checking this story.

The story was made up by photographer Jose Carlos Meirelles.  Why did he make up the story?

To draw attention to the threat of logging.  What is logging?  Well our friends over at define it as:

When Russian ladies feel lonely, they do a massive shite, freeze it and at times of need, use it as a dildo, according to Manchipp.

Really?  That’s what you wanted to draw attention to?

Apparently this Tribe was discovered well over 100 years ago.  Nice.  Real nice.  Are you happy about this, Meirelles?

‘When I saw them painted red, I was satisfied, I was happy,’ he said.

Of course.  We were all pretty stoked about that.   In fact, I want to see that again!

Yeah!  It was well worth the lie.  I promise never to log again.

.el sway