Again, we are happy to give you a short story from one Steve Marcarelli. You may know his killer stand-up or his killer smile. You may also know him as a member of duo legends Phenomomom – who you can see this Saturday, June 21st at Rififi at 8:00pm. Go!
When I picked Denise up, she looked amazing. Her long, ginger hair flowed like the mighty Mississippi. She was wearing a very sexy green shimmering dress and the highest heels I’ve ever seen. And her earrings, oh god, her earrings. She walked out of her front door like a model on a catwalk — such grace, such beauty. I held out my hand for her and she took it. I brought her slender hand to my mouth and gently kissed it.
“You look breathtaking.” I told her.
“You don’t look so bad yourself, Big Boy,” she replied.
I opened the door for her to my brand-new (rented) sports sedan. When I was sure she was safely inside, I closed it gently. I walked around the other side and eased myself into the driver’s seat.
“Are you ready for the greatest night of your life?”
She smiled. I winked. We took off.
The maitre d’ at Le Legume’s is an old friend of mine from our lacrosse days, so he seated us right away at the best seat in the house. The appetizers were, as usual, amazing. Little tuna hot dogs.
The conversation was non-stop and Denise proved herself to be just as charming in person as she was on the Internet. We shared almost identical interestes in food, wine, film and art. The evening was going so well at this early portion of the evening that we already made plans to go salsa dancing after dinner.
“Hey, where’s the main course?” I wondered aloud. It had been taking longer than usual, so I began to worry.
“Oh, I don’t mind waiting,” she said.
That’s when she ate her own period.
I just stared in disbelief.
I didn’t know what to say.
I’d never seen anything like that.
“Did you just…”
“What?” she asked, perplexed.
“Eat your own…”
My suspicions were confirmed. It did indeed appear that my date, the lovely Denise, had just eaten her own period. I proceeded with caution.
“I don’t know. Oh look, here comes our food.”
The waiter, Marlos, sidled up to the table and served us our roast ducks.
“Will there be anything else?” he asked.
“No thank you,” I told him. “I think we’re all set.”
“Actually, I’ll just have a glass of water. I need to wash down my period, which I just ate,” Denise requested.
“Yes of course.” Marlos turned and walked away.
We began to eat our roast duck. For the first time all night, we sat in silence.
I stared at her in disgust. I could not take it anymore.
“HOW DARE YOU!!!!” I yelled. “I’M NOT GOING SALSA DANCING WITH YOU TONIGHT OR ANYNIGHT, YOU BIMBO!”
Everyone in the restaurant was now staring at our table.
“Was it because I ate my…”
“Yes,” I cut her off.