Lolabrigada Presents: The American League, 2008

So much has been made already about the Baseball season opening in Japan. We here at happen to be baseball fans ourselves. Well, at least a few of us are. Some of us work for, others work for Verizon. So, we do feel like we have the knowledge and firepower to write a coherent 2008 Baseball Season Preview. Today, we present, the American League.

While we were all tucked ever so gently into our 1500 thread count diamond studded sheets, the American League opened up its season this past Tuesday morning in Japan (Awk-waard!). But that’s not the even the biggest storyline the American League has to offer. Let’s take a look at a few of the stories surrounding the American League, friends!

Ichiroll. What could possibly be a bigger story in the American League, you ask. The “Ichiroll,” I calmly answer. Yes, the sushi roll which was appropriately named after the Seattle Mariner right fielder who goes by one name and one name only, Madonna Cher Yao Steve Ichiro. This sushi role is essentially a spicy tuna roll. It replaced the ‘Jack Cust Crust’ as the most retarded popular food item named after a player. When asked to comment on the Ichiroll, Diane McLellan added..


Prediction: Look for the ‘Ice Cream Chone Figgins‘ and the ‘Nick Mar-Birthday-Kakis‘ to be popular treats this year.

Fun Facts

Guitar Hero. In the 2006 playoffs, Detroit Tiger pitcher Joel Zumaya hurt his wrist and forearm playing the video game Guitar Hero II. How is MLB making sure that Guitar Hero injuries like this will not happen again?


Fantasy Baseball. This guy…


said that this guy….


tried to bang his wife. The only guy’s wife that either of them have banged is this guy’s.

Papelboner. Here is how the Urban Dictionary explains why Red Sox fans pee-dongs inexplicably moved.

1. n. The insanely large erection you get when Jonathan Papelbon comes into the game with a 1 run lead in the 9th inning.

Other teams may like these suggestions:

  • Jeterction (Derek Jeter – Yankees)
  • B.J. Upton (works on it’s own… B.J. Upton – Tampa Bay Rays)
  • Halfner (the dude either hits a homerun or strikes out… Travis Hafner – Indians)
  • Carbona (a reach. Fausto Carmona – Indians)
  • Bedard-On (Erik Bedard – Mariners)

Devils. The Devil went down to Tamp Bay and was asked kindly to return from where he came. Why? Political Correctness! Yay! Owner Sternberg cites that the name Rays is pretty darn good enough because it represents “a beacon that radiates throughout Tampa Bay and across the entire state of Florida.” This guy is pissed…


So are all the “twins” across America who kindly asked the Minnesota Twins to remove the name “Twins” from their name, leaving the team with the name “Minnesota .”

Just a few storylines to follow this season as baseball starts to take flight again, for real, on March 31st. I’m sure from time-to-time we will be writing on specific baseball topics. I mean, afterall, it is America’s pastime.


Play ball!



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