Today a woman in my office told me (as casually as you might share your favorite sports anecdote ) that she uses the bathroom in the lotus position.
Wow. I KNOW, right?!?! This lady shits Indian style! That’s hilarious!
I laughed. She did not. She, in fact, was so confident with her powder room posture that she actually made me question my own. For years, I’ve been sitting in the same standard position go after go. Was I missing out on something fun? If there is one thing I refuse to miss out on, it’s having a good time. Just ask my best friends; drunken mistake and water bong.
So, I decided to try it. After work today, I marched into the bathroom enthusiastic about the prospect of having fun in a place where I thought there was none to be had! I was expanding my “fun parameters” (which was one of my new years resolutions) while also expanding my mind through meditation! Plus, I was also saving time by peeing while I meditate (my other resolution: doing stuff while I pee to save time) . Genius!
The toilet is a much smaller bowl than I had remembered it being (though, I rarely sit and reminisce about my time on the john). I tried, awkwardly, to adjust to it’s miniature circumference, knocking several bottles of hair products into the tub. Finally, I was there. I sat, trying to focus on my mantra: Bono is a dick. Hours passed, or minutes. It’s hard to tell time in that kind of elevated state. Anyway, time passed and nothing. No mind expansion, no pee, no fun. Maybe the lotus wasn’t the pose for me. So, I changed positions, seamlessly like a master yogi, from one pose to the next. It was like poetry. My one regret is that no one there to witness this feat.
This one didn’t work. Obviously, gravity was not on my side.
This one got my hair wet.
Defeated, and wet, from my last pose, I decided that toilet Yoga was clearly not my sport. Next on my list of things to do on the toilet; blogging. See you then!
In a silent office,