Beard of Bees.

In sad news, Sir Edmund Hillary, beekeeper turned peak leaper, died early this morning at the age of 88. Best known for being the first man to conquer the old dusty trails of Mount Everest, the world’s tallest peak, Hillary died unable to conquer his 80’s (pussy).


Also known for his sheer competitive nature, Hillary successfully pulled off one of modern time’s biggest “dick moves.” Proving that there’s no “Hillary” in ‘Team,’ Sir Edmund and his mighty Sherpa, Norgay, ascended the 29,035-foot Himalayan mountain in 1953. The real story came years later when the debate of who actually reached the peak first. Hillary, in a most noble fashion, waited until after Norgay died to release his Mortal Kombat finishing move.

Hillary told People magazine in 1999: “We agreed we would say we reached it ‘almost together,’ when in fact I reached it a few paces ahead of him. I’ve decided now I’m going to tell it like it was and not worry about whether it’s going to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Diiiiiccckkk! Though, I must admit it’s hard to argue with his train of thought. After all, when Ben dies several years before I do I am surely going to take all the credit in the world for writing his sketches, posts, blogs, and for fathering a child with his wife. Well, as long as the kid’s attractive.

.el sway


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