Jellybean fish and doodley-doo.


She’s Just Like ME.

Again, it’s the political season and we are in for a nice little fight.  We hear a lot of buzzwords in this election and certain phrases that really kill me.  Obama is an ‘elitist,’ or so they say.  And that woman from Alaska, Sarah Palin is just like us.  She shops at WalMart, hunts, etc.  Like us.  

Wait, is that me?

Anyways, these dudes with nice wallets and condom yellow teeth are jazzed because they want to elect Palin into the Office because, dang it, she’s just like me!  (I heard that dude Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris talk about.  Norris is Conservative, fyi)

“The next kick won’t be so conservative!”  

Really?  That’s your basis for wanting someone elected?  

You don’t want someone like me as the President of the United States.  Seriously.

As far as I know, the “Bush Doctrine” is:  if there’s grass on the field…..

Maybe that would help my sweating problem if my pubes and body hair were on the outside of my clothes. Hmm?

I’t just plain silly.  

No one wants  a Vice/President who is just like them. Seriously.  

I want someone who is smarter than me.  There is a reason I will never get an electoral vote in my life.  I’m not capable, Ms. Palin, and neither are you.

Apparently neither of us know how to use a condom.  


The Bitch Is Back.

Greetings from San Diego, CA.  While you’ve all been deciding whether or not you want to bang Sarah Palin — one of us (JC) most likely got her daughter pregnant! — we have been moving across this great big country.  

We’ve meet a lot of very nice people along the way…












And some not so friendly people….

We’ve made it from sea to shinning sea!  And guess what you smug bastards??

This Blog is back!  Let freedom reign you mother fuckers!

Sorry, for the swear word…

Really?  A MILF?

Maybe a PILF!  Person I’d Like (to) Forget!  

Oh shit!  I’m politicin’!  I’m kidding.  I don’t vote, so let’s be friends.  

You know what else I’d like to PILF?


Let’s get some atoms up in dis bitch!  

The blog is back, Sepultura is back, and so are you.  Let FREEDOM REIGN!!!

I know who he’s voting for!

.el sway

Tuesdays with Jake on Wednesday.

Ladies and mostly Ladies,

Welcome back Jake after a brief hiatus. He loves you too.

Sorry I’ve been gone for a week. I’ve been busy.


Wednesday July 16th:

“Do ya’ll want to see some titties?” A man yelled into a microphone.

“Oh no,” I thought. I was in a strip club.

“Yes, you are.” Said a man in a cowboy hat next to me. “I’m sure you’re wondering how I can hear your thoughts. It’s simple: I’m your dad.”

“No you’re not.” I replied aloud, thumping bass in the background, bronzed breasts bouncing about on a linoleum dance floor.

“I know,” he said. “I should just go.”

And there he went. Slowly, looking back over his shoulder every three steps or so.

“The funny thing is, that guy WAS my Dad.” I said to a stripper who was windexing my face with her chest. “Ha, ha, that tickles.”

It tickles a lot.

Satruday July 19th

“Do ya’ll want to see some titties?” A man yelled over a microphone.

“Oh no,” I thought “I’m in a strip club again.”

“Too bad! This is prison.” He laughed and laughed and laughed.


Sunday July 20th

I slipped into my apartment quietly and the woman I hired to act like my wife was standing there, holding a wooden spoon and an iron.

“Where have you been?” She boomed.

“Prison, ok?”

“Ok,” she replied. “Can I tomorrow off?”

“Yeah, I don’t care.”

And I didn’t care.

I heard she’s dead now or injured.


Monday, July 21st

“Is that a bulldozer in my bedroom?!” I yelled in my bed. I also had one of those pointy wizard-sleep caps on.

“Yep!” Cackled the Bulldozer man “April fool’s?”

“Do I know you from somewhere?” I asked.

“Boys, tell ‘em!” He shouted. A bunch of men in capes appeared. One stepped forward. He handed me a shirt.

“Did you leave this at the library yesterday?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I replied. “Was the bulldozer necessary?”

“Yes.” They all left.

And then a bird flew up my ass.

Sorry guys.

Bring It Home, Mets. is going to the Mets game tonight.

Bring it home.

.el sway

Hoops Hype.

So, I have been busy…..blah….blah….

Anyways, here is a great video.  The real reason why Marcus Camby got traded for a 2nd Round Draft Pick.

Marcus!  You have been owned.

More.  Coming.

.el sway


So, I really don’t have anything to post today because I am busy.

But, I wanted to pass this along.  I think you’ll love me after you see this.


Wake up!  NOOO, you CAN’T!!

That’s life right there people.  That puppy is lucky, though.  You know what we do to people over here at when others fall asleep….

Cool Buddy!

We don you with medals and classic facial hair.  Do not fall asleep on us!


.el sway