Jellybean fish and doodley-doo.

Again, it’s the political season and we are in for a nice little fight.  We hear a lot of buzzwords in this election and certain phrases that really kill me.  Obama is an ‘elitist,’ or so they say.  And that woman from Alaska, Sarah Palin is just like us.  She shops at WalMart, hunts, etc.  Like us.  

Wait, is that me?

Anyways, these dudes with nice wallets and condom yellow teeth are jazzed because they want to elect Palin into the Office because, dang it, she’s just like me!  (I heard that dude Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris talk about.  Norris is Conservative, fyi)

“The next kick won’t be so conservative!”  

Really?  That’s your basis for wanting someone elected?  

You don’t want someone like me as the President of the United States.  Seriously.

As far as I know, the “Bush Doctrine” is:  if there’s grass on the field…..

Maybe that would help my sweating problem if my pubes and body hair were on the outside of my clothes. Hmm?

I’t just plain silly.  

No one wants  a Vice/President who is just like them. Seriously.  

I want someone who is smarter than me.  There is a reason I will never get an electoral vote in my life.  I’m not capable, Ms. Palin, and neither are you.

Apparently neither of us know how to use a condom.  

.lolabrigada

Yeah.

Love it.

Respect it.

Stop Loss.

Hey, one of our own is making news!

MTA Takes it to the Next Level.

 

Bus rider Jonathan Corbin, 29, of Queens said, “If there’s more space and it’s environmentally friendly, it’s a win-win situation.”

Still, Corbin suggested that the MTA should put a Gotham spin on the vehicles.

“I’ve ridden double-decker buses in London. You’d have to give them New York attitude,” he said.

 

New York attitude?  Like this?

Like killin’ chickens?  

Fuck subs, I got NY attitude!  

We love it!  

.lolabrigada

Greetings from San Diego, CA.  While you’ve all been deciding whether or not you want to bang Sarah Palin — one of us (JC) most likely got her daughter pregnant! — we have been moving across this great big country.  

We’ve meet a lot of very nice people along the way…

And some not so friendly people….

We’ve made it from sea to shinning sea!  And guess what you smug bastards??

This Blog is back!  Let freedom reign you mother fuckers!

Sorry, for the swear word…

Really?  A MILF?

Maybe a PILF!  Person I’d Like (to) Forget!  

Oh shit!  I’m politicin’!  I’m kidding.  I don’t vote, so let’s be friends.  

You know what else I’d like to PILF?

Scientists!  

Let’s get some atoms up in dis bitch!  

The blog is back, Sepultura is back, and so are you.  Let FREEDOM REIGN!!!

I know who he’s voting for!

.el sway

Ladies and mostly Ladies,

Welcome back Jake after a brief hiatus. He loves you too.

Sorry I’ve been gone for a week. I’ve been busy.

See?

Wednesday July 16^th:

“Do ya’ll want to see some titties?” A man yelled into a microphone.

“Oh no,” I thought. I was in a strip club.

“Yes, you are.” Said a man in a cowboy hat next to me. “I’m sure you’re wondering how I can hear your thoughts. It’s simple: I’m your dad.”

“No you’re not.” I replied aloud, thumping bass in the background, bronzed breasts bouncing about on a linoleum dance floor.

“I know,” he said. “I should just go.”

And there he went. Slowly, looking back over his shoulder every three steps or so.

“The funny thing is, that guy WAS my Dad.” I said to a stripper who was windexing my face with her chest. “Ha, ha, that tickles.”

It tickles a lot.

Satruday July 19^th

“Do ya’ll want to see some titties?” A man yelled over a microphone.

“Oh no,” I thought “I’m in a strip club again.”

“Too bad! This is prison.” He laughed and laughed and laughed.

Phew.

Sunday July 20^th

I slipped into my apartment quietly and the woman I hired to act like my wife was standing there, holding a wooden spoon and an iron.

“Where have you been?” She boomed.

“Prison, ok?”

“Ok,” she replied. “Can I tomorrow off?”

“Yeah, I don’t care.”

And I didn’t care.

I heard she’s dead now or injured.

Women.

Monday, July 21^st

“Is that a bulldozer in my bedroom?!” I yelled in my bed. I also had one of those pointy wizard-sleep caps on.

“Yep!” Cackled the Bulldozer man “April fool’s?”

“Do I know you from somewhere?” I asked.

“Boys, tell ‘em!” He shouted. A bunch of men in capes appeared. One stepped forward. He handed me a shirt.

“Did you leave this at the library yesterday?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I replied. “Was the bulldozer necessary?”

“Yes.” They all left.

And then a bird flew up my ass.

Sorry guys.

Lolabrigada.com is going to the Mets game tonight.

Bring it home.

.el sway

Happy Thursday Everybody. Today, I am taking my post to an unprecedented level of seriousness. Today we are discussing HYGEINE. This emergency post was inspired by recent conversations that have led me to believe that in our affluent nation, we are having some serious issues with ass-care. Stick to my suggestions in this blog post and I guarantee you’ll see an improved quality of life immediately.

The I-phone, GPS systems, segways, spaceships….We have become a sophisticated breed indeed. Then why are 99.9 percent of us using the archaic tool known as toilet paper?

Would you use a dry wad of toilet paper to “wipe” off your arm if I were to play a practical joke and smear fresh feces all over it?

Do you think a dry wad of toilet paper rubbed over your ass will rid you of the very bacteria that has been responsible for more human deaths than war, cancer, diabetes, terrorism, falling off staircases, auto erotic aspyxiation, cocaine overdoses, lightning and aids combined?

Do you think the 1/8^th inch of kaki plus 1/16^th of cotton blend of your underpants and pants makes me feel safe when I’m pressed up against you on a crowded subway train? Did you notice it’s 92 degree today? Are you really waiting until tomorrow morning to thoroughly clean your ass? Do you have a date tonight?

Ladies and Gentleman, the answers to these dilemmas can easily be solved at your local duane reade. Head on down and help yourself to these two wonderful products, sure to fit any budget.

TUCKS medicated wipes: Correct, they claim to be made for Hemorroids and Vaginal itch, but when used after a normal movement of the bowels, they’ll make you feel as if you just visited the grandest hotel bidet in all of Europe even if you actually just diarrhead in Port Authority Bus stop.

On a budget? Try store brand baby wipes. Don’t be embarrassed, I guarantee that babies aren’t judged nearly as much for smelling like shit as you. Not quite as kingly as the tucks, but at 1/6 of the price, they get the job done.

There you have it folks, any questions or feedback can be directed my way. I’d love to hear how Jonny Thursdays have changed your life.

Next week: Powdering your balls.

So, I have been busy…..blah….blah….

Anyways, here is a great video.  The real reason why Marcus Camby got traded for a 2nd Round Draft Pick.

Marcus!  You have been owned.

More.  Coming.

.el sway

So, I really don’t have anything to post today because I am busy.

But, I wanted to pass this along.  I think you’ll love me after you see this.

What!?

Wake up!  NOOO, you CAN’T!!

That’s life right there people.  That puppy is lucky, though.  You know what we do to people over here at lolabrigada.com when others fall asleep….

Cool Buddy!

We don you with medals and classic facial hair.  Do not fall asleep on us!

love

.el sway

So, I got an e-mail from a reader asking…

How come Jonny, Jake, and Steve didn’t post this week?  And where’s Ben?

Short answer….

and.

Thanks guys!

I had to resort to Fail Blog techniques.

Hope you all had a nice vacation!

love,

.el sway