Jonny Thursdays: Sketchy New York Edition

I love New York. I also love people that complain. Furthermore, I absolutely love to hear people complain about New York. This is because 99% of the time these complaints are totally and completely fucking stupid.

What’s the biggest complaint I am hearing these days about New York City?

“Man, this sucks, New York isn’t as sketchy as it used to be!!!”

Boo fucking hoo! Where did you spend your Sunday?…..Eating brunch??? You fucking idiot. If you want sketchiness in New York City, we got it. This is a big city, there is plenty of sketchiness. In fact, so much that it has inspired a new feature on Jonny Thursdays called “Jonny Thursdays: Sketchy New York Edition.”

While you idiots were playing kickball in McCarren park, discussing Sex and the City over iced coffees or playing fraternity style drinking games at Astoria Beer Garden – I took it upon myself to seek out some sketchiness for this special edition of Jonny Thursdays: Sketchy New York edition. This weeks sketchy New York thing is the Nude Beach. That’s right, a Nude Beach in New York City! I’m going to not post the address of the unofficial New York City nude beach here because frankly I don’t want to run the risk of ever seeing anyone who reads this blog without any clothes on, but trust me, it exists.

This is the totally sketchy entrance……

And some legitimate artists – this is nice…..

To spare the privacy of those involved, I turned my camera off at this point. But, let me tell you folks – there was some serious sketchy shit at the nude beach this past Sunday. One notable bit of sketchiness was scattered out on a blanket of three young gentlemen amongst a frisbee, coronas and stealthily hidden wallets – 4 yet to be used condoms, ready to go at anytime!! Sketchy!!! Then, I’m very sure I saw Scarllett Johanson making out with another woman. For an hour! Sex and the City!!! Sketchy!!!

Unfortunately, the water temperature was so cold, making swimming nude not only embarrassing, but also painfully painful. Stay tuned to this space a little closer to jellyfish season for a follow up edition of Jonny Thursdays: Sketchy New York edition when your sketchy narrator gets nude in New York City! Yeah.

-Jonny

Wednesday Steve: I-Cats.

Here now we present the first installment of Wednesday Steve with: Steve Marcarelli.

I’ve never seen the musical Cats. I don’t know anything about the musical Cats. Well I know it’s a musical and it’s called Cats and it appears to be about singing cats. When I realized this was all I knew about such a wildly successful pop-culture touchstone, I decided to look educate myself on Wikipedia.

Doing so, I was fascinated by these cats and their stories. Looking through the character descriptions, I have found that these cats are not unlike me and my friends. Every single principal character reminds me of someone I know. So much so, that I have decided to put on a reading of Cats with my friends, here in Brookyln.

What follows is my “dream cast” for my staged reading of Cats: The Musical: The My Friends Version.

Rum Tum Tugger- This cat is described as “The ladies’ tom. His temperament ranges from clownish to serious, and often sexual depending on the production; however, he is always flirtatious, and usually portrayed as a feline equivalent of Mick Jagger or Elvis Presley, and recognizable by his wild mane.” This cat will obviously be played by me.

My good friend Tom will play the cat named Bustopher Jones, who is described as a real fat cat, a “twenty-five pounder”. He dresses in tuxedos and is respected by all, much like my friend Tom.

Samuel will play Mr. Mistoffelees, a young magical cat known for doing the “conjuring turn” which is approximately twenty-five spins on one foot. Samuel is the best dancer I know, so I think he can pull this off. Also, he is the most feline of all my friends.

Jenn from Lolabrigada will play Bombalurina, described as a saucy red female cat who is the leader of the queen cats. Jenn has red hair and is saucy. She might complain about this being type-casted and she will be correct.

The part of Skimbleshanks, the railway cat, will be played by Brian H. Not sure why I thought of him as a railway cat, because he probably takes the subway less than the average person, but something about his appearance reminds me of how I picture a train cat.

Gus, the theatre cat, will be played by Tom’s older brother Dan. Suck it, Dan.

Grizabella, the former glamour cat who has lost her sparkle, will be played by Erin. Not because Erin has lost her sparkle, (or was ever glamorous) but because I think Erin has the acting chops to pull off such a character. The real Erin sparkles like a jewel.

Jennyanydots is described as “the old gumbie cat who sits all day and rules the mice and cockroaches at night”. This part will be played by Chrissie.

The only real villain in Cats is Macavity. This part I will give to Chris M. He knows what he did.

The two cat burglars, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, will be played by Antonio and Sam K. Their chemistry together is electric.

Old Deuteronomy is the lovable patriarch of the Jellicle Tribe. He is old and dignified, just like my friend Robin.

For Demeter, the very skittish female cat, I will cast an unknown. I don’t associate with skittish girls.

And finally, the role of Munkustrap, the show’s de facto narrator, will be played by Leo, who I think has a very nice speaking voice.

Apparently, some productions omit the Growltiger’s Last Stand scene, which is a flashback to Gus’ childhood. My production will also omit this scene because I get the feeling this play will be really long and boring. The shorter the better, right guys?!?

Ugh plays are dumb!

-Steve