Hello Blog Readers, Tim here, wow that was weird. This is my first time writing one of these things. I mean, I’ve posted a picture before, but I am so used to my non-verbal comfort level that all of these words are making me nauseous. It is my show THIS SATURDAY, MAY 31st at 11pm at the PIT and I am so excited that I am Taking It To The Next Level by writing real words, as opposed to my usual telegraphic speech. Anyway, back to the show. I have hand picked the music, the scenes, the unbelievably brilliant giveways, and the most perfect guests.
We have 2 Phenomenal Guests for the show!
The Hilarious Michael Solis…
Er. Michael Solis?
No, no, Michael Solis. Here he is…
No, really, Michael Solis…
There he is.
And our other awesome guest, the always hysterical Jess Cantrell…
Wait, wrong Cantrell. That is R&B Sensation Blu Cantrell. Below is Bluegrass Sensation Jes Cantrell (she drops one ’s’ when she sings)
No, no. So wrong, but feels so right. Would the real Jess Cantrell please stand up?
Yes! She just realized she said yes to our show.
These ridiculously talented performers will be hosted by Lolabrigada…
And the whole show will be about me, Tim Girrbach…
As noted earlier we have hired new writers for the site! Today we present – Thursdays with Jonny. Each week Jonny will do his best to get arrested for you – the reader. Follow along!
Greetings, Lolabriblogger readers. Jonny C here. I am truly honored to be given the 4th best day day of the week to spew off my own non-PIT educated brand of total nonsense. Ladies and gentlemen, from here on out, I assure you that I will spend every waking moment merely looking like I’m participating in productive activities, when in fact I will solely be concentrating on ensuring yourthursdays will soon become the 3rd best day of the week. Anyways here we go…….
I earn exactly 10 business days for vacation per work year. I try my best to make the most of these few days, but last week events unfolded in such a way that I spent an entire morning in the confines of my home, alone…. Alone….. Alone with the internet….. A 28 year old man alone with the internet…With no parental filters on my google search…. Understand yet?….At first this time alone can be exhilarating, but after the exhilaration leaves my body, certain thoughts creep in.I think its safe to say that it is not only I who have thoughts of personal inadequacy in length, girth, volume, stamina, frequency, number of daily partners, number of avn awards or number of wikipedia entries touting the virtues of the above. Not exhilarating at all!.
Feeling a bit blue, I started thinking of ways to cheer myself up over my own lack of length, girth, volume, stamina, frequency, number of daily partners , number of avn awards or number of wikipedia entries touting the virtues of the above. I have a little adaptive trick I’ve taught myself that whenever I feel sad, I compare my situation to a similar one in nature – this usually works wonders and I start to feel better instantly. For example, if I were someone who had the inclination to taste my own pee and somehow during this experimental procedure, I got caught, I’d feel instantly better knowing that its perfectly natural.
Using my adaptive thinking on my feelings of inadequacy,I became curious of the love lives of all my favorite animals.To tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure if this would make me feel better or worse. After a quick perusal of New York State, Federal and international laws, I went back to the internet and continued to take advantage of my lack of parental filter on google.
After nearly vomiting at elephant intercourse(eerily similar to the human video I watched previously, I refuse to post this), weeping hysterically that my parents were not both zebras (likewise, I refuse to post, knock yourselves out) I finally found the video that has made me giggle ever since!!
Giraffe Love!!!!!
Wow, look at him go. I feel much better! Although, always raining on my parade, my zoologist friend insisted that while giraffes are not the most versed at traditional love making, males are quite happy to take advantage of the excessive space available in their mate’s necks!
