Lucy In the Sky With Dying.

Albert Hofmann, founder of the popular crust drug LSD, died today.

He was credited with discovering LSD by “coincidence” in 1943.  He is also credited for, coincidently, giving the world the following things:

Unemployment.

Art.

Transportation.

Music.

Comedy.

And Mexicans.

We’ll be sad to see him go.  You can read an actual tale on the discovery of LSD here.  Success!

Much like “weed” is forever linked to April 20th, LSD will always have its day; April 29th.  April 22nd had “no comment.”

.el sway

Hey Baby, What Are Your Stats?

Here is proof that aliens do exist. In the past two days we’ve had visitors from the following “countries.” Notice the 15 visitors from worlds “unknown.” Greetings, bitches.

	Num	Perc.	Country Name
	346	79.91%	United States
	15	3.46%	Unknown	-
	14	3.23%	Canada
	8	1.85%	Australia
	6	1.39%	Switzerland
	6	1.39%	Germany
	3	0.69%	United Kingdom
	3	0.69%	Spain
	3	0.69%	India
	3	0.69%	Poland
	3	0.69%	Denmark
	2	0.46%	Brazil
	2	0.46%	Saudi Arabia
	2	0.46%	Mexico
	2	0.46%	Iran, Islamic Republic Of
	2	0.46%	Puerto Rico
	2	0.46%	France
	1	0.23%	United Arab Emirates
	1	0.23%	Malaysia
	1	0.23%	South Africa
	1	0.23%	Netherlands
	1	0.23%	Ukraine
	1	0.23%	Bosnia And Herzegovina
	1	0.23%	Sweden
	1	0.23%	Romania
	1	0.23%	Uganda
	1	0.23%	New Zealand
	1	0.23%	Indonesia

To our friends from Malaysia, “wasssup!” And Puerto Rico, “Hooooo!”

Listen, alien friends, please note that this guy reads our blog. So, please be kind in the comment sections. Thank you all for reading our blog, or, “ありがとう” for my Japanese friends (i.e. Adam Wade).

Maybe one day when I’m not writing about fantasies I will tell you what I like about each of the countries that have come to visit our site. For example:

South Africa – I like that you have eleven official languages.

I have one official language: avitar emoticon –

.elsway

No More Drama.

Hey, remember that post I did last week about ScarJo? Yeah, well, she has a video out now!

The folks over at Gawker have the video!!

It’s also so there can be a music video in which we, her many fans, get to follow Johansson around during one of her trying days, be all impressed as she hangs out with smarty pants writer Salman Rushdie and sympathize as makeup is painstakingly applied to her face and her hair curled. We also stalk Johansson as she jets off on an airplane and then, upon landing, washes her face. She also gets flowers from fans and shuttled around in the back of an SUV.

Life is so hard, baby.

Who is going to listen to this? (I’m asking myself). Who?

Suze Rotolo?

Probably not, she’s too busy “telling all.”

It’s a biter morning, so bear with me (rawr!).

.el sway

I Just…Okay…Um…Thunder Road?

“Who were the ad wizards that came up with this?”

The Internet responded thusly..

And.

While lesbians everywhere said…

Listen, you guys do what you do best and make sure that everytime I spell the word “the” like this, “teh,” it gets underlined in red so I can correct it.

I like your work. Lord knows I need you guys in order to get through these posts. But, this video…come on.

Let’s pretend I’m Bruce Springsteen for a moment and I will respond to this video as Springsteen. Ready?

“Stop.”

Alright! That was me as Springsteen.

Here is a picture of me and my friends when we met Springsteen. Notice how “uncool” I feel about David’s mom taking the picture and telling us to “saaayy ‘Darkness on the Edge of Town’ on three!”

Lame!

.el sway

The Michael Winslow of Birds.

And now, for your Friday afternoon bird post.

This bird is dope! He is the Michael Winslow of birds.

Did you hear that?! He made a chainsaw noise!!

Are you effing me?!

Hey, here is the Michael Winslow of Michael Winslow’s.

At least watch up to the first minute where he does “Immigrant Song.”

Some guys got all the luck.

Larry Beezer!

What’s the deal with pissing on trains?!

.el sway

Per Our Last Penis Conversation.

So, this is funny.  At my work this fax came in to “no one’s attention.”  It was from a dude named “Tod” and it was in regards to “our last conversation.”  Pretty basic.

The best part was in the comment section that read, “sorry, my cell battery went on me.”

Yeah, I bet it did.

Where’s the joke, Tom?

Well the fax continued to talk about these pills that “work better than Viagra!  And bros, you totally don’t need a prescription.  Just go to the web-site called www.ready4her.com and get it!  They’re giving out free samples!

Really!!

FREE!!!!!

HURRY BEFORE THEY RUN OUT!!!

My favorite part was that this fax came into my office, addressed to no one, made to look like someone was finishing off a phone conversation, AND it was put on my desk.  Like, “Oh, this is something Tom would be on the phone talking about.  I should just leave it on his desk.”

Yeah, right up my alley.

I got the samples, needless to say, and I am sooo ready 4 her.  More ready now that ever.  I’ll let you all know if my P pops.  Then you can all get on this free once in a lifetime offer as well.

.el sway

Today Is My Day.

It is my day. Today, April 23rd, 2008, is “Administrative Professionals (Secretary’s) Day.” Straight up “Secretary’s” Day will do. Thank you!

So, here at my our blog we would like to tip our hats to all those who spend the day G-Chatting and Blogging while pretending to get Dr. SoAndSo on the phone.

Here’s to you, ladies (and me)!

The spanking gets easier. Trust me.

Holiday Insights suggests:

The most common ways of recognizing your Administrative Professional(s) today are:

• Flowers
• Cards, often with shopping gift certificates
• Take them to lunch
• Candies
• Assorted Gift Baskets

So, be nice to that piece of ass that makes your life that much easier.  Because, eventually, she/he will be your lover and the reason your wife leaves you.

.el sway

My Head Is A Spinnin’ Round, ScarJo.

Good God. Or, shall I say, Bad god! Scarlett Johansson, as reported through several media outlets has released a record of, get this, Tom Wait’s covers! Ha!

Well, a track has LEAKED!

And I just threw up in my mouth.

She has officially jumped the shark!

IT IS TERRIBLE!!!

“Anywhere I Lay My Head,” happens to be one of my favorite Tom Waits songs, so let’s get that out of the way. And, ScarJo (oh god…) speaks the lyrics over some bullshit composition (i.e. compost).

It’s funny to think that she has the balls to tackle something like this. Hey, Every Female Musician called and they want their dignity back!

Listen – Streisand, Cher, and Madonna can’t act and Lohan, ScarJo, and Rosie Perez can’t sing. Can we get that in writing somewhere? Make it official?

Here is a great quote from a blog…

Karma @ 01/24/2008 at 4:10 pm

I hate when celebs think they can do anything

Nice!

hate to say it @ 01/24/2008 at 4:50 pm

I hate to say it because I don’t like her [I think she is way overrated and all the fuzz makes her believe she is the greatest - which is very unattractive].

“Fuzz” is unattractive, isn’t it.

Really, I’ve come to realize that there is NOTHING to like about Scarlett Johansson.

NOTHING!!!

NOT A GODDAMN THING!!!!

NOT ONE THING!!!!!

I wish her well. I really do. Only because she has officially ruined her career. Hey, I hope this lame attempt at “indie cred” was worth it, because you are most likely going to come up empty handed in that department.

In other news: Hey, it’s the lead singer from Silverchair’s birthday!

.el sway

Shadowboxing When I Heard You On The Radio.

Let’s talk food!

Here some creative fuck somebody made Bento Lunch Boxes “indie.” Yeah, that’s just what the Asian people need right now! (Can I say “Asian?”)

Check it out, WEEZER!

Yeah, that’s food on the right. The ingredients?

Weezer – Green Album: Cabbage, nori, ham, kamaboko, paprika, rice

Hold the “Weezer” and I’m in!

I know what you metal heads are thinking. King Crimson, please?

What’s in that?

King Crimson – In The Court Of The Crimson King: Mentaiko (cod roe), kamaboko, ham, nori, rice

Fresh!

Here is my “food” interpretation of the Velvet Underground and Nico record…

Ingredients: BANANA!!!!

This is fun!

Here is my “food” interpretation of Elton John’s Captain Fantastic record…

Ingredients: SASS BANANA!!!

Banana’s are the new “sex.” You heard it here first.

.el sway

1000 Words

Ben and Tom’s working relationship, as encapsulated by just one photo:

Meanwhile, this would be Jenn and Tim’s:

I will now spend the remainder of this delightful Friday afternoon waiting for an angry text message from Jenn Dodd. Have a great weekend, everyone. Suggested activity:

Coming out to see us at the Green Room as part of Slightly Known People’s new show!

Random Hookups with Slightly Known People featuring Lolabrigada

Saturday, April 19th @ The Green Room

45 Bleecker Street, 10:30 p.m.

Two-for-One Tickets here.