I was looking through our “blog stats” and it turns out that someone reached our little comedy blog here by google searching “how to throw a hard punch.” I’m not sure if that’s what we’re here to teach you all, but what I can teach you is how to execute a successful panty raid.
I love a good old fashioned panty raid. There’s nothing like stepping out on an autumn day, cool breeze in your hair, a potato sack strewn over your shoulder, and a childhood dream soon to be realized. It’s a popular fantasy amongst young men to be wrist deep in panty (and, yes, for effect I will use “panty” and not “panties.”). There is actually a long standing history of panty raids. The first known panty raid, per wikipedia, took place in 1949 at Augustana College (the Fightin’ Vikes!). But, it wasn’t until the old Wolverines of Michigan made it a national phenomena for college bros to march hand-in-hand on a hunt for the most delicate of fabrics – cotton. The good old days! I imagine that there was possibly a ribbon cutting event for the start of each raid. That was until they started getting a little out of hand. Take this example, from a raid in Gueydan, Louisiana in 1954…
Man: Howdy little bopper. Mind if I come in and take your panty?
Woman: Please, help yourself.
Man: Thanks. And on my way out I will make sure to break your windows and steal anything of value along the way. Zippidy-Do!
Awful. Downright filthy.
My father’s generation managed to ruin both panty raids and free love. And for that, you only get a phone call on your birthday! But, we’re getting back on track. At least I hope so. There is really only one way to fashion a good ol’ panty raid, and if you follow me we can go through this step-by-step. (more…)
